What's the difference between a duck?
This is a joke my dad used to always tell. The punchline was people's reaction to the question.
Anchovies?
This is a joke my dad used to always tell. The punchline was people's reaction to the question.
Fightin' Zombie Presidents...
If all the presidents of the United States, past and present/dead or alive, got in a big fight... who would win?
Choose Your Own Adventure Series: Poll The Third
Amidst your whirlwind tour of Europe, you decide to see an ancient dungeon that hasn't been publicized very much, but sounds really interesting to you. As you approach the doorway to the dungeon you get a chill of excitement. You're greeted by a heavy-set blond guy who opens the heavy wooden doors that thud with a thunderous clamor as he opens the way for you to enter. You look closely at this man and hesitate. But then that voice in the back of your mind says, "Don't chicken out, this is the kind of experience that leads to the very best stories." So you proceed into the dark staircase that descends to the dungeon. Your hefty guide follows behind. He points to the right and you continue toward a doorway of some kind that has a faint light beyond it. You enter a room full of fascinating artifacts and all sorts of old stuff! "Wow!" you exclaim.
Suddenly the doorway you just walked through is slammed shut and the hefty blond man begins speaking in a surprisingly high-pitch voice: "You can't leave! You must first pass... A TEST!" He then let out a weird bellowing laugh. You shrink into a nearby chair.
He continues, "You must do one of the following things before you can leave. You could," he gestures to a television that you hadn't noticed before, "watch 18 hours of 'The View!'" He lets out another disturbing laugh. "You could eat a steak, that has a 50% chance of killing you with food poisoning!" he points to the old table to your left that does indeed hold a platter with a steak. "You could search for the hidden passage to... the sewer pipes! You can call my cousin, Sven, who doesn't speak any English and hope he can help you out of here." He chuckles, "Or you could try and fight your way out, but I have other guards that are hidden. Your last option is to enter to local hot dog eating contest that has been won for the last 12 years by Kobayashi!" He pauses for a while with a big grin and folds his huge arms. "What will it be?"
Suddenly the doorway you just walked through is slammed shut and the hefty blond man begins speaking in a surprisingly high-pitch voice: "You can't leave! You must first pass... A TEST!" He then let out a weird bellowing laugh. You shrink into a nearby chair.
He continues, "You must do one of the following things before you can leave. You could," he gestures to a television that you hadn't noticed before, "watch 18 hours of 'The View!'" He lets out another disturbing laugh. "You could eat a steak, that has a 50% chance of killing you with food poisoning!" he points to the old table to your left that does indeed hold a platter with a steak. "You could search for the hidden passage to... the sewer pipes! You can call my cousin, Sven, who doesn't speak any English and hope he can help you out of here." He chuckles, "Or you could try and fight your way out, but I have other guards that are hidden. Your last option is to enter to local hot dog eating contest that has been won for the last 12 years by Kobayashi!" He pauses for a while with a big grin and folds his huge arms. "What will it be?"
So, what do you choose?
Choose Your Own Adventure Series: Poll The Second
You and your good pal Gloria are out on the town and bored out of your skulls. Gloria spots a tent with a blazing neon sign that reads: "Lady Quailhollow, Fortune Teller." You laugh and joke that you two should go try it. Gloria is serious and says, "Let's do it!" Your smile quickly fades and you're scared. You've had an odd fear of creepy old ladies since you were 8 and that creepy old lady started barking at you. You step back and say, "Uh... no, maybe we should go bowling." Gloria grabs your arm and pulls you toward the tent. You keep trying to fight her on the point, but Gloria gets you into the tent which has an eerie green glow about it. Then she appears, Lady Quailhollow.
Lady Quailhollow gestures for you and Gloria to take a seat. Then, to your surprise, she holds out her hand toward Gloria and says, "Is this your first time having your fortune told, Gloria?" Gloria says, "WOW! How did you know my name?" Lady Quailhollow shrugs and replies, "Your friend just said it." Gloria laughs and hands the creepy lady her palm, "Yes, it is my first time." Lady Quailhollow takes Gloria's hand and closes her eyes and lets out a long heaving sigh. She then opens her eyes and says, "You're about to become more wealthy. Did you recently purchase an item of clothing?" Gloria nods. Lady Quailhollow continues, "Check your pockets. There's treasure there for you." Gloria hesitates, and then checks the pockets of her jacket. She pauses and pulls a $100 bill out of her jacket pocket and shouts, "Woot! That's SO awesome!" Gloria then turns to you and says, "Your turn! You try it!"
Surprising yourself you give your palm to Lady Quailhollow. She flinches violently as she takes your hand. Her face takes on a menacing look, she then stares you in the eye and says, "Your fortune is very dark indeed." ...
Lady Quailhollow gestures for you and Gloria to take a seat. Then, to your surprise, she holds out her hand toward Gloria and says, "Is this your first time having your fortune told, Gloria?" Gloria says, "WOW! How did you know my name?" Lady Quailhollow shrugs and replies, "Your friend just said it." Gloria laughs and hands the creepy lady her palm, "Yes, it is my first time." Lady Quailhollow takes Gloria's hand and closes her eyes and lets out a long heaving sigh. She then opens her eyes and says, "You're about to become more wealthy. Did you recently purchase an item of clothing?" Gloria nods. Lady Quailhollow continues, "Check your pockets. There's treasure there for you." Gloria hesitates, and then checks the pockets of her jacket. She pauses and pulls a $100 bill out of her jacket pocket and shouts, "Woot! That's SO awesome!" Gloria then turns to you and says, "Your turn! You try it!"
Surprising yourself you give your palm to Lady Quailhollow. She flinches violently as she takes your hand. Her face takes on a menacing look, she then stares you in the eye and says, "Your fortune is very dark indeed." ...
So, what do you choose to do?
Murder
Yikes, This was in my KITCHEN SINK!!!!!!!! This is a Southern House Spider and have had it Confirmed!!! ..... RAID!!!!!!
Originally uploaded by KHall65890
When was the last time you killed something? (A plant, a blade of grass, a fly, a spider, a lemming...etc.)
My toe still hurts.
Choose Your Own Adventure Series: Poll The First
You settle into the couch after your long day of work and having just finished a very pleasing dinner. You glance out the window and see that the sun is setting and determine that you should go for a nice sunset stroll. You're at peace with this decision when you hear a faint noise that doesn't sit quite right. You think, "Was that a baby crying?" You stand and move toward where you thought you'd heard the noise. You hear it again, but now you think that it's someone calling out for help. You venture into the bathroom where the noise seems to be coming from and then you hear the voice seemingly creeping up through the pipes say, "HEEEELP!!! I'M STUCK!!!!"
"WHO is that? And where the heck are you?!" you shout into your bathroom sink.
"Oh! I'm so glad you came, I've been in here about 20 minutes calling for you! It's Dave! I'm stuck!" Dave is your semi-obnoxious semi-hilarious friend from next door. Dave then says, "Dude, I was trying to climb through the sewer pipes to give you the scare of a lifetime, but then I took a wrong turn, and well, I'm stuck. I didn't think this through." Dave then starts crying uncontrollably, and shouts for you to help him once more. What a crazy happenstance!
"WHO is that? And where the heck are you?!" you shout into your bathroom sink.
"Oh! I'm so glad you came, I've been in here about 20 minutes calling for you! It's Dave! I'm stuck!" Dave is your semi-obnoxious semi-hilarious friend from next door. Dave then says, "Dude, I was trying to climb through the sewer pipes to give you the scare of a lifetime, but then I took a wrong turn, and well, I'm stuck. I didn't think this through." Dave then starts crying uncontrollably, and shouts for you to help him once more. What a crazy happenstance!
So what do you do?
These fit into songs somehow?
Which lyric do you like best?
Rilo Kiley, "Accidental Deth"-- The B52s "Private Idaho" -- Ben Kweller, "Walk On Me" -- Cake, "End of the Movie" -- The Decemberists, "California One, Youth and Beauty Brigade" -- Eels, "Going Fetal" -- The Flaming Lips, "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" -- Grandaddy, "Stray Dog and the Chocolate Shake" -- Los Campesinos!, "This Is How You Spell, "HAHAHA I Destroyed the Hopes and Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics" -- Of Montreal, "Wraith Pinned To The Mist And Other Games"
There ya go!
Sheep Pessimism/Optimism Test...
Do the sheep always make it over the fence when you count sheep?
As opposed to the glass half empty/half full test. The sheep get over or not.
Phone Call of Death!
If you were forced to be on a phone call with one of these random people for two hours, who would you choose?
Again, I'm never sure how you would end up in that situation, but it's interesting to me to see who y'all would pick based on their names alone. (Aside from John Voight the actor, I know of no real people with these names, just so you know.) I'm so weird.
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